Friday, August 31, 2018

So last night I was printing out a letter that my doctor's social worker had sent, from my doctor to send to the state medicaid commission. I don't think I was supposed to read it. It just stated what I can already tell is going on. I mean it's my body. Right?
The letter stated that the cancer is growing at an alarming rate, and if I don't receive treatment soon I could die.
With all of the depression and pain that comes with cancer I have to say that I'm not ready to die just yet. Why not? Well I've got a reading coming up in Gainesville on September 29th. My people that I met through Poetry in the Midwest are all coming down. Crazy times ahead when we all get together, and I'm sure this will be no different. There will be plenty of laughs and laughter is the best medicine as I have found.
Another reason is that I've got a novel. I wrote it while busting my ass in a factory in Toledo with cancer, just to make ends meet. I keep thinking of things I need to add to it. It's not quite ready yet. I have to make sure this novel sees the light of day. It's never gonna be a best seller. I just need to know that it's out there before I leave.
I can tell the cancer has been getting worse. My legs have been getting heavier, the back pains have been getting worse, and I've had less energy.
Right now I'm kind of conflicted as to how to think of my doctor for keeping this from me. Part of me says he did it for my own good. Part of me says he should have told me. I guess we should hear about the treatment soon and this will not be an issue.

2 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear this news. You are such a wonderful friend to Craig and so many others. I have noticed that doctors and social workers sometimes write up things so they sound the worse in order to get insurance to pay. I am praying that is what's happening here.

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  2. That's what I was thinking too (that maybe the letter was worded extremely in the hopes of encouraging the treatment), but they still should have told you that, but medical industry paperwork...

    I am very glad that you and your poetry exist.

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